This skill goes out to all the first dates out there. First dates can be awkward, stilted and tricky.
Enter the Five-Minute Biography, a quick and easy way to present the details about yourself that you think the other person should know as well as get that sort of information from them for your own files. I can't take credit for the five-minute biography, but it was introduced to me by Kaycee who, near as I can tell, might as well have invented it.
The idea is simple: there are really only so many facts about you that are really pertinent to the other person. They really neither need nor want to know every fact about your upbringing on the first date. Other things like your job, education level, things that take up a big chunk of your time and pursuits of that nature that could either interest or influence your date are things you want to think about adding. (More after the break.)
Similarly, you should ask your date to come up with her own five-minute biography, but give her a chance to think about it. You'll be looking for key bits of info: marital status (believe it or not, this isn't something everyone wears like a badge [or ring]), job, pertinent psychological tendencies (you can learn a lot about someone based on the way she talks about herself), and ... well, whatever sorts of thing you tend to want to know. I could give you a list, but I think you're probably smart enough to figure this stuff out on your own.
The Wrong Way
Five minutes, folks. That's all you've got. Don't go over. Going on about yourself forever tends to under-impress.
Give your complete history from conception onward. If you can fit all of that into five minutes, then you're screwed. Go out and live a little. And figure out more interesting things to talk about.
Don't talk about inaccessible, niche topics unless you have a degree of certainty that she might be interested in them as well. If you like terribly esoteric music (again, speaking from experience here), make note of that, but don't go into minutiae about which Dan Kahn album had the biggest impact on your life and why [Note: Though, for the record, it was "Pegboard Blues" and the why is simply the song "Washtenaw Co."].
Don't lie. No-brainer, right? Just don't do it. Even if she'll never find out.
The Proper Procedure
Before you ever even go on the first date with your lady friend, take a few minutes to polish your own five minute biography. Remember that you'll be going first, so you really need to provide a good example of what you'll be looking for in hers. While having a cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all bio at the ready may seem like a good idea, remember that you'll want different bits of info out of each different date, so take a moment or two to customize based on the information you'd like to get from your date.
You'll want to cover the major bases. What have you been doing with your life up until now? What do you plan on doing with it in the future? How do you plan on getting there? Give her enough information to keep her interested and to get an idea of how she should be thinking about answering the call when it's her turn. Also, throw out the information about yourself that you'd like to see about her. For example, if you'd like to know if she's divorced or has kids, you might throw out "Never been married, never had kids" along with the rest of your bio.
Put all of this together into a cohesive whole. Don't script it or anything and for God's sake don't use note cards (at least during the process -- who am I to tell you how to prepare?). Resist the urge to practice: you want this to sound genuine and sincere when you give it, so don't overdo the issue.
Once you're on the date, you'll need to introduce your date to the concept of the five-minute biography. I suggest you keep the intro short and to the point. Tell her your friend Adam introduced you to the idea if that helps. Always helps to have someone else to blame if it doesn't work and I'm ready to shoulder that responsibility for all of my gentleman brethren out there. Let her know that, once you're done with yours, you'd like to hear hers.
When giving your five-minute biography, try to stay on-topic. Remember again, you've only got five minutes, so make them count. Don't use a watch to time yourself or anything, but she can if she wants (don't volunteer this info, but if she thinks it's a good idea, let her). Digressions are your worst enemy here. If, however, she asks a specific question, answer it as best you can, as thoroughly as you can, and don't let it faze you (if you haven't taken my advice and over-practiced your bio, questions can trip you up; don't let that happen to you). Once you're done, ask her if there was anything else she wanted to know.
Then resume conversation as normal.
Do not ask for her bio immediately. Give her some time. How much time? Well, you'd do well just to let the conversation decide that for you. Find the right break in conversation (eventually) and ask her for her five-minute bio. I myself allow at least one drink between my bio and hers. Don't be surprised if her bio takes more than 5 minutes, particularly since she's likely not practiced this skill, much less ever heard about it. Remember that you're listening for content; in fact, listening to her bio might give you clues as to what you need to include in yours the next time you need to give it. What questions did you have that she didn't answer? You should probably look to answer those sorts of questions in your own bio.
Over the past four or five years, I've practiced the art of the 5-minute bio and have made it work for me quite well. The key is to have that bio come off as a conversation, not a speech; involve your lady friend in that discussion, don't simply recite. Remember to take into account the time that she spends talking during the bio and the amount of time you spend asking questions when editing your life down to 5 minutes.
Done properly, this tactic will let her know enough about you to have questions to ask and to get her thinking about what she wants you to know about herself. It's a quick way to create intimacy and improve her confidence (as in "in strict confidence" or "confidentially") in you. If I remember correctly, I even used this tactic to great effect on my first date with my own wife on our first date more than three years ago. Worked for me then, and it can work for you now.
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